Icarus in the Sky

Icarus, Icarus, foolish lad!
It’s the worst idea you’ve ever had
and there were others I thought were bad!

To soar to the stars, you demented bird,
takes more than wax wings, or hadn’t you heard?
My lad, you have flown to the height of absurd!

And yet, and yet, the impulse was grand,
though you never considered you’d have to land…
Yet, to be with the gods, lad…? I do understand!


Those of us with our feet on the ground usually have something harsh to say about those who refuse to conform to the law of gravity; and even so, we envy those who fly, even when they fall…

Guillotine

I was there–
in spoiled silks, sateens and lace
on a stage composed
of noise and dread…
Splintered boards
beneath my ice-white feet,
hot and cold, awash
with human blood
and waste…

I remember…
fear
and sweat
and sickness…
a kind of stunned bewilderment,
hardened as a glaze
across the gaze
of eyes embittered,
seeing everywhere the cast
of madness and despair…
Of lust and hunger
borne so deep
it passes from the belly
to the soul
and there desires,
with a passion uncontrived by love,
the balancing
by death and pain
of all accounts and reckonings–
the gorging
of a psychic gut
with vengeance
hot as fire,
thick as blood.

The hellish gate of Heaven
hangs against the sky;
It, shrieking, sings
against the madness of the mob 
swings down, cutting,
rises and waits…
and swings again
and waits
again…
and swings, 
and poises
once again–
I,
rising
step
by
bloody
step…

And whose account do I fulfill?
Is there in this unholy moment
some small degree of fairness,
or by it the balance
of one human heart
restored?
I cannot know or say
to what just end
is this the grievous means…

I stumble barefoot,
sodden silks and laces
dragging
all disgraced,
upon the final step–
and stand I there
upon the portico of freedom,
unpossessed myself
by lost possessions,
all the things that once were mine
to keep or lend or give away–
my books
my bread
my laces
dearest faces
all I loved
my life…

My turn
at last,
to climb the bloody stile,
to lay myself at length
beneath the awful gate…


My ears are closed
with roaring
I cannot tell you
what they hear–
The prayers of my childhood?
The solemn cant of priests?
The wistful words
of a mother’s hope and fear?


–In the tonings of the angels
there is not a word of song
I could describe,
and yet
a world of glory overcries
the mob’s release, 
the frantic 
manic celebration
of their fierce, unholy feast.


My body does not know
if it is up
or down,
nor feels the cold,
the heat…
The fear of Death
itself is over-run
with wonder of a kind…

Farewells not said
are not important now,
I have forgotten faces,
fears and tears
and loneliness;
all the grudges
that I ever held
are nothing–
all at once passed through,
as gossamer
across the path
in a distant morning garden
time and times ago…

Shrieking!
Screaming…!

All above me, 
all around…!
The singing of
the swinging gate…
The harmony
of hollow hungers,
hoping, hopeless,

unrequited angers
unassuaged…

and silently,
I pass the gate…
in silence pass…
I pass… I pass…
through Light and Glory,
fleetingly…

…and come again
to here,
to now–
across the Time abyss…
to comforts closely held
and loves I do believe
I could not loose
or I would lose my life…
and cherished notions
of myself,
the world,
humanity, 
of all God’s Universe…
Of all the things I claim to know
or at the least, believe
with all my heart
are so….

A small bright echo,
loving, laughing… 
A glorious intoning…
I hear it now, so faint, so far…
I do recall it distantly, all of it,
for I was there…
I was there…

“It’s just how I am…”

My first thought about posting this particular piece was that it isn’t in keeping with the time of year. But today I am thinking of all the people who are alone this time of year, who have fallen off Christmas card lists, of those no one realizes have no happy family to gather with in the holiday season. And I am thinking, maybe it is a very good time to post this.

Times have changed with technology and the pace with which we lead our lives: People wander off from online conversations without a farewell to let you know the conversation is over. People have meals with other people and never make eye contact because they are immersed in their separate worlds–It used to be newspapers or books, now it’s electronics. Real attention, real contact is fleeting, and old traditional courtesies of a slower-paced age are unknown, forgotten or just disregarded. Everything is multi-tasked, including friendship.

People excuse themselves (“It’s just how I am”) for neglecting relationships, as if long times without contact don’t damage a relationship.

I can’t help believing that if someone wants to stay in touch, they will. I used to put out reminders, to chase down the people I wanted to have in my life. Then I got it: If someone wants me in their life, they will make some effort to have me there. And if they don’t, it’s because they don’t care that much about whether I’m part of their life, or not. Maybe they even really don’t want to know me. How would I know which it is? Silence explains nothing, is always open to interpretation.

I think we all know when we have neglected someone we should not have. I think we get guilty, yet maintain the habit of postponing, forgetting, getting distracted, and to assuage the guilt, forgive ourselves with, “It’s just the way I am,” and “My friends will understand.” And, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

Sorry, it is not ever just about you: a relationship is not just about one person’s needs and foibles, or just one person being called upon to tolerate, accept and forgive.

I saw a quote recently, unattributed, but to the point: “When someone says you hurt them, you don’t get to decide you didn’t.”

It’s just the way I am” is a lame way to fend off the knowledge that somehow, something you did or didn’t do, hurt someone. It’s another way of saying, “Whatever…” Whether it comes from embarrassment or guilt or true indifference, it’s lame.

Tolkien Tribute: confustication


A wizard and a hobbit met in a little pub in Bree
And drank together for a while, though neither one, you see,
Was in a very cheerful mood, as life had lately not been good
For either nor the other, in fact!

Between their complaints and their fair pints a-flowing,
Trust and good fellowship fast were a-growing:
The hobbit sighed, if thee was me–likewise if me was thee–
How differently the world would act!

The wizard, by now quite far gone in his drinking,
muttered  some words about serious thinking,
Then slapped on his hat, fell asleep just like that,
And the hobbit– he followed soon after.

The bartender listened all night to the mutters
in sleep, of the mage, while he put up the shutters
And finished the grub, and closed up the pub,
And chased out the cat from the rafters.

Then he left them there, muttering and  snoring
He figured they’d sleep there content till the morning–
He went home to his bed, where he slept well, ’tis said
With no idea at all what was a-brewing!

The wizard awoke in the early dawn light
And was instantly certain something was not right
For the hobbit, it seemed, stole his hat as he dreamed
A deed that hobbit quite soon would be ruing!

He reached for his hat with his old gnarled hand–
but the hand was a hobbit’s–he could not understand–
Then the wizard hollered out  a great  wizardly shout
And it came out like a hobbit’s, all squeaky!

The other woke up then with a sudden start,
And stared over the table, with his jaws far apart–
For there he saw–“Me!”  where he’d thought he’d see he!
He said, “This can’t be, right,  it’s just freaky!”

In fact, it was true, and the one was the other
–neither would’ve been known by his very own mother!
They both were perturbed, indeed, very disturbed,
staring wide-eyed at themselves thus transposed.

The one of them smiled a slightly odd grin,
The other one paused, and then he, too, joined in…
Whatever they’d done, they would turn it to fun
And gave in to what mischief proposed!

The wizard, now wearing the hobbit’s guise
Went home to “his” hole– what a big surprise
He gave then to “his” wife, who’d not once in her  life
Seen him start up the stove with a shout!

Meanwhile, the wizard… the “hobbit,” I meant,
He sought out his landlord who was raising the rent
And he waved “his” great staff, with a threatening laugh
And called him a greedy old trout!

The landlord, alarmed he’d be changed to a fish,
Begged of the “wizard” to demand what he wished,
And he swore he would do it, there’d be nothing to it!
And  lowered the rent by two pounds and a shilling.

The “hobbit”–the wizard– he went round the hole
Fixing and mending and making it whole
While the little wife beamed, for her husband it seemed
Had never before been so willing!

Thus passed the first day of the magical change
The “hobbit” cured all of the town dogs of mange
The “wizard,” he spoke to a number of folk
Who’d never trouble the hobbit again!

It went very well, and they had a fine time
Bamboozling the Shire–It was almost a crime
But as the sun set, the two again met
For a giggle and pint before bed…

The “Wizard” –but really the Hobbit, in fact,
Gave a toast with a cheer for their nice little act,
And he cried, “What a life! Now, I’m off to my wife…”
And that’s when their faces turned red…

Now, who’s to sleep where, and with whom beside?
Who gets the stable, and who gets the bride?
“It’s over now, Mack!  Now, you just put us back!”
Said the wizard, “I just don’t know how!”

“Well, figure it out, then!  And figure it fast!
It’s been fun but this switchy thing must not last!
Have some more beer, to make your mind clear–
Come up with a change-back spell now!

The Wizard-like Hobbit, he worried and paced;
The Hobbity Wizard grew sick of  beer’s taste,
He was at it all night, but try as he might
Not a spell that he tried did the trick.

Meanwhile, the Hobbit’s wife in this fable
Had gone to the trouble of setting the table
With china and candles, all the forks matching handles
Then she sat and she watched the clock tick…

His most favorite foods grew much over-done
while she sat there and gnawed on a dried out bun.
As the fine meal turned bad, she got worried, then sad
And finally she started to simmer…

She pulled off her apron and combed out her hair
Then she went to the pub, for she knew they’d be there
She looked  through the glass, this furious lass,
What she heard only made her the grimmer

She went storming in, iron pan at the ready,
Stomped up to the table, where they weren’t too steady.
She glared in the eyes of the wizard-disguise
And then slammed down the pan on the table.

“Fix it,” she said, and she banged it once more
loudly enough that it rattled the door…
There was a loud POP that made everything stop–
and frightened the stock in the stable.

But suddenly, wonderfully, each had his own face
The Wizard and Hobbit had popped back into place
For there’s no spell in the world matching kitchen-ware hurled
By a Hobbit wife boiling with rage!

So now, at last, this tale comes to its close,
Wizard and Hobbit each behind his own nose,
Some good deeds were done which is better than none,
And thus content, we exit the stage.

Holy Days

Wishing you the best of the holiday season!

Channukah has begun, and there is no tradition more about lights and miracles!

Solstice is here and the whole planet moves with it, something that transcends cultures, though every culture seems to have a way to celebrate it.

The birth of Jesus is all about light coming into a dark world. It is historically known that the birth of Jesus was folded into the Roman Saturnalia back in the days when the persecutions of Christians was a real thing, but it was also apt, that in all the long nights, Jesus, like the solstice, brought a promise of light to come. So very apt in these times, too!

And there is Kwanzaa which is worth looking it up and appreciating what it is and why it is, because Kwanzaa celebrates the most civilized aspects of humanity, in the context of what’s been called the African Diaspora–the flowing out of Africa of its peoples. It also offers a light in the darkness.

Light in the darkness: hope and faith, and the negation of despair.


Every culture finds spiritual and human meaning in this time of Solstice. I welcome your contributions to this topic!

Tolkien Tribute: SMAUG

Flame surging in my belly, I cry out,
and leap into the clouds, exulting:
Wings, vast, they span the star-bright heavens!

I sail through the night,  tempest roaring
a storm of mighty rage, a-soaring–
Flame surging in my belly, I cry out!

In all of the world, there is no other
magnificent as I!  I bellow power
and leap into the clouds, exulting!

Against the highest icy atmosphere
I wheel, and feel the windstorm biting:
Wings, vast, they span the star-bright heavens!

I am sure there is a name for this form, though I no longer remember what it is called. If you do, please remind me! It was originally written for a contest in 2005 on a Tolkien site, that seems to have gone into the West.

Impeachment

There are those who are not celebrating today. There are hysterical protests founded in lies and distractions, in stunningly ridiculous attempts to gaslight the entire world into seeing the calling to account of a disastrously anti-American administration as a bad thing, an unfair thing. They thought they had this in the bag, that by twisting and corrupting the rules of statecraft, government, and law, by exploiting loop-holes, by packing courts they could surely shoot the moon, and have all their power dreams fulfilled!

We are looking at the end-game of a long, slow, slinking coup against the American Constitution, the great Experiment in representative democracy. By degrees, we have seen the foundations of the nation undermined and protections eliminated. Assaults on free journalism and on the distinctions delineating truth from lies; shifting of financial power to the would-be oligarchs and to world-spanning corporations, leading to the destruction of the middle-class.

The American citizenry has been dumbed-down and led to despise knowledge, has been lulled to sleep, to ignorance, to functional powerlessness…

Huge percentages of voters have been purged from voter rolls, gerrymandered into uselessness, prevented from getting to polls as polling places are shut down. The corruption of the election process has been assured by international interference and a steadfast rejection of means to protect the integrity of the election process.

And the coup-makers counted on our not waking up before the coup was complete. But we have awakened, and we are fighting back. Against all the corruption and fraud, we are gaining ground. We have time to make sure we are registered to vote, to encourage the disheartened and dismayed to come out and exercise the greatest power we have, in all our millions, to take back America, and throw the bums out.

THRESHOLD: preface

I wrote this several years ago, in 2005, about the time I began to worry about climate change. It was meant to be an invitation to literary visionaries, to write stories of the world this preface described. It could still be that, the beginning of an anthology of the times during, after, and long after the world we live in has irretrievably changed.

We saved what we could.

We could not save them from the catastrophe they were blithely running at, arms wide, mad with the heat of their day in the sun…

In the end, we could only look out for ourselves.

In the gathering twilight, in the plunging cold, on the shrinking land, we all did what we could, which was to deal with the problems within our scope.

Human nature, political greed and simple brute stupidity– we never had a chance against that. Well, no, we ‘d had plenty of chances to keep them away from the controls, but we ‘d blown every one until there were none left.  We’d sat back and let others do the work, we’d driven to the corner store in our air-conditioned cars, left the lights on and the heat up in the chill of autumn, we’d put up with voting for the losers, sure next time it would be different…   Until there was nothing left we could do but work our asses off to develop counter-measures before the curtain came down. Most of us just didn’t notice until it was halfway to the floor.

So we moved to higher ground and pulled our investments out of the shore cities doomed to drown, like a kid pulling his feet back from a cold swimming hole, or running from wave advancing up onto the beach. We set our minds to learning how to fake a nice day: to manage the climate in small ways and confined spaces. From basic home airconditioning, we expanded the meaning of “home” to cover house and yard and crops under one roof. And we shrank the meaning of “the world” to what we could still live in.

Engineers, reveling in fantastical dreams, built them. Botanists and zoologists and geneticists, farmers and back-yard gardeners filled them with life, and nurtured the new world. We saved what we could of the old, all of us, and wept over what we had to leave out in the cold, and then we hunkered down quietly in the dim, to outlast the short-sighted lunatics who swore to us that what we could see happening all along was not, in fact, happening at all.

They weren’t evil, not in a mean, deliberate sense. They had their own dream, and an unfaltering conviction that to say a thing made the thing true. That to get enough people believing a thing was enough to make it as good as real.

To be entirely fair, they were idealists, though dangerously half-educated, ideologically blinkered and appallingly, catastrophically self-righteous, which saved them the sweat of listening and learning, actually getting the Big Picture.  And they thought– were quite certain– that we were the crazy ones, the mob of deluded, twisted idealists.

But we never tried to drag everyone with us into our vision. We offered the opportunity and let folk choose for themselves.

Give them their due, and forget them. But never forget the power of obstinate, ill-informed, righteous sincerity. Or it will happen again.

Enough said, they are gone, the damage is done, and real enough that the rest of our lifetimes, our children’s, and generations down the centuries, will pay for the folly of all: the lunatics, to be sure, but our own, too, for ever letting them get and hold the power, while we sat back and waited for times to change.

Now, we can only work hard and hope that times will, in fact, change, and that our world will be a garden again.

Tolkien Tribute: Queen Beruthial’s Cats

A shade in the shadow
lurking;
A purr in the darkness
smirking;
Softness against a bare leg
leaning;
One with shadow again
leaving…

Fire of green in the night
gleaming;
Flame of gold in the dusk
seeming
ageless and canny
beyond scheming;
Cats of Beruthiel smile,
dreaming…


These cats are spoken of only once, a mention made by Aragorn in an off-hand way… an idiomatic reference: “He is surer of finding the way home in a blind night than the cats of Queen Berúthiel.” But apparently there is further background on both this dark Queen of ancient Gondor and her spy network of 10 cats—nine black; one white, that supervised the rest—All, Queen and cats, last seen sailing off into exile in the Southern waters…

Tolkien Tribute: The Rangers

1–LURKERS
Storm and ice howling through the winter passes…
The bellies of the scudding clouds, glowing dull and fitful,
reflecting back the desperate firelight
from which all warmth is blasted by the winds…
Alone is better, the huddled traveler thinks,
Than the company he knows is lurking in these peaks…
And he shivers only partly from the cold…

2–BROTHERS
Brisk chill breeze of spring whips budding hazel branches
Rattling to and fro, little birds a-clinging, feathers ruffled–
Little brothers share the coming season
With one who wanders out from winter, too;
In a visage etched by ice and bitter rains…
A thread of softness starts, and grows,
And blossoms in a faint and weary smile…

3–EMBRACE
Night flows over hard-baked plains, cools the raging furnace-heat of day
Relief becomes a chilly breath no longer welcomed
By one who shivers in the summer night…
A breeze arises somewhere in the west,
Sweeps softly in from distant desert sands,
Unlooked-for cloak, carressing warmth…
A gift beneath the silver net of stars…

4—OUT OF SIGHT
Still… Utterly still… Still and silent like the stones, the dead…
A creeping insect makes its way from collar down the back,
It’s purpose is its own, and not betrayal…
Tension ripples just beneath the skin;
Sand teases in the throat, seduces silent breath
to rouse in thunderous cough…
When will the enemy move on?

5—OUT OF MIND
In the wood, sitting in the mulch and drift of falling leaves…
In the town, the fairy-lights of family hearths and goings-on…
Do they look out and see the little fire
That gives all that it has of warmth and cheer?
They do not, cannot see it, they are blinded by their own…
Complacent in their comforts.
By this little fire rests content.

6—TOUCHING SKY
Clear, the air, as leaded crystal glass, like a bell it rings and calls…
Eagles cry back, soaring upon winds higher than the heights…
No higher place to stand than this,
Toes upon the mountain’s utter peak,
And in this moment, all the world’s free
Of evil, war,  and undermining enemy!
Descent– Much harder than the climb.

7—THE UNKNOWN
A new road, a path unknown, unseen by most men’s eyes, it draws the feet…
Has ever any human foot trod here before, along this secret track?
Trees– ancient, hoary mosses draped, bedewed–
anchor its beginnings in their roots,
from whence it wanders carelessly
to find its way along a fragile rocky ledge
then wanders to the plain and disappears…

8– REUNION
The Ranger in his world-stained garb comes to a place he knows, and waits…
Another comes, nods greeting, sits beside him in the glen…
The Company of Rangers–it gathers slowly in,
embracing all the sons of long-dead kings
who in their time cared for the lands
and all the folk that there, within them, dwelt–
These still do the same, and also wait…

The Rangers of the North were the remnant of a race of mighty Men, long-lived and lords of the world. In latter days, they quietly guarded other folk who looked warily upon them as derelict wanderers. Besides that watch, they also kept a secret of their own, for of their line was the last King of Men, and his time was not yet come, to declare himself, and take on the great Evil in the full light of day.