HERETICS: In the beginning…

This project began several years ago, as the bio section of a character development sheet for a Live Action Role Play game adapted from the Masquerade.  The game as designed featured mainly vampires of various character-defining clans, but other supernaturals crept in, the longer we played.

The first thing I  had to do, once I decided HERETICS could be a publishable story, was to remove it from the Masquerade system, to find other words, other concepts from those in the game.  Some I only had to modify somewhat as even the orginators of those game systems had been inspired by earlier sources like Bram Stoker’s DRACULA, and could hardly claim ownership over them.  Other basic notions had to be abandoned and re-created with my own original model.  All this applied to the character  Columbina, the first voice of the tale. 

The second voice, Turlough, came out of brainstorming with someone who was, at the time, a friend and collaborator.  It included elements from my own explorations of Celtic lores and traditions, particularly of the Celtic Church before it was overwhelmed by the Roman Catholic Church.  The more this character developed, the more I had to research those traditions, and also the geography of far-western Ireland. That was how I discovered The Burren which became a significant setting for Turlough’s pilgrimage.

I’ll have more to say about settings later, and also about the various and very likely  unexpected  supernaturals who were drawn into HERETICS. Yes, it starts with vampires, but this is not a story about vampires, it is about the power of humanity in the face of inhuman powers and forces.

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https://www.patreon.com/clredding

HERETICS: first words pt 2

This is the second part of the prologue of my work-in-progress and Patreon project, as promised yesterday when the first part was posted here.

–Turlough

“Ah—it’s the fierce wee devil y’are indeed, but I’m too big for your supper, and you, brother Crab, are a deal too small for my own…”

The wet hem of my cassock that slapped heavily about my bare shins and from the weight of water and the crab, it dragged, I hiked it again and tightened the cincture. A rare good grip the creature had got on it indeed. The next surf rolled up and I dunked him: He dropped the natty old fustian and fell into the swirl about my feet. Back towards the sea, he rode the receding foam until the next wavelet came in over the top of him, flipped the little bugger heels over elbows a couple of times, and carried him away.

I noticed then I was not alone in my foraging along the beach, and smiled: there was Bridey, my friend, strolling down the sand and shingle, her apron full of winkles and cockles and such, and trailing the bright green sea-wrack. A woman in full she was, not a girl, but though moonlight touched her hair, sunlight was in her eyes, and in the bright smile she beamed at me now. For some reason she was fond of me. And I had more of a liking for her than for most other folk I ever knew.

I saw her mouth and knew she was calling something out, but the wind off the ocean blew away her words. I made a big shrug and cupped my hands behind my ears. She laughed merrily, and that I could almost pick out of the gale.

We met by a sea-bleached snag half buried in the sand and rocks. Short as I was, she scarce came to my chin.

“God and Mary to ye,” I said, “and Saint Peter, Saint Paul and Saint Joseph!”

Sure, it was an extravagant greeting, but that was the game between us: Which ever of us got in the first list of Holies, the other had to add at the least one more.

She didn’t bat an eye, nor hesitate: “And the grace of God and Mary to yourself, Brother, and the Saints Peter and Paul and Joseph and Patrick and Columba!” I winked, acknowledging her win. Not that my own kit was so easily emptied, but I was in a mild good mood, and so let it rest.

That ritual well-satisfied, we walked along together, good friends in a companionable silence. Then, after a time, she said, “Come, there’s a thing I’m wishing ye to see.”

I went along by her side and we came to a hollow in the cliff-wall. Washed and filled twice daily by the tide, the rock within was worn smooth nearly all the way up to the rough ceiling which itself was a roost for barnacles and weeds. The floor was uneven rocks rising like little islands from a sea of sand and fine pebbles. Shallows scooped in the stone brimmed with tide-pools where anemones and crabs waved and danced. Sunlight off the moving waters fluttered on the walls; the sound of softly lapping waters within and the thundering surf and piercing cries of gulls made a sort of mystic music for the dance of light.

Bridey took a thing from the pocket of her skirt, and in the dim of the cave, she offered it to me.

I took it from her gently. It was round and flat, and after that, it was something rather different from anything I’d ever found washed onto the beach before. It had a soft green color, and was smoother than any stone I’d ever seen. Soft, it felt, though it was rock. It had a hole in the center, and there were angular symbols etched around it.

I looked up at her. “You found this here?”

“Aye,” she nodded. “’twas washed into the larger pool there,” she said, “And the wee nippers were after playin’ handball with it.”

I looked again at the stone n my hand. A peculiar thing happened. Although I saw clearly, it lay as still as still as any rock, I felt the thing quicken against my palm. In the same instant, a dizziness washed over me, dimming the sunlight, and blurring the shadowed interior to a mist. Only Bridey stood definite and crisp, the lift of an auburn eyebrow etched clear against her fair skin. Then, just as suddenly, all was as it had been: the moment was fled and fading as if I’d stumbled in and out of dream, and it meant no more than that.

Wordless, I offered the stone back to Bridey. She closed my fingers over it. “I’m thinkin’ its after bein’ yours more than mine,” she said.

So I kept the stone, slipped it into a pocket, and we left the cave to its soft sounds and skittering crabs.

Bridey and I strolled on to the end of the beach, and parted without words, she striding on up the path towards the village and I clambering up the steeper way to the Abbey. The basket of my gleanings I left off at the refectory, and retired to my own small hut for a time of quiet contemplation. But what came could only by the greatest stretch be called quiet contemplation.

I was settling my mind for a quiet communion with Himself, on my knees before the small shrine upon the wall, but abruptly, I felt for the disc of stone in my pocket and drew it out again. It lay upon my left hand and my gaze never wavered from it—yet though the hand I saw was mine, still again it was not: I knew it just as I knew without looking up that pink and white petals of an ancient cherry tree danced in the swirling breezes about me, and knew the stone itself for a token of love… My heart in my chest pounded quietly, but in an older heart, I felt the dagger of present grief; and as a bitter salt-sea pulsed in that other time and place, in that other life, so it beat upon my own ears here and now, the tang in my nostrils of Irish waters and tears… The feel of a sword’s hilt pressed into my right hand that hung at my side…

I sat back on my heels then, and with a certain alarm, I considered the matter. Then, finally, finding I had no answers, I addressed a word to Himself: “So, Lord, I’m after thinking You’ve something on your mind…?”

Perhaps it would have been better in that moment to have kept my tongue still behind my teeth.

For that was only the first, that vision, of many visions of many lives, all utterly unknown and yet with not a doubt at all my own, that came to me in the next months. They still come. I know with both wonder and dread, that they will never let me be. I can feel them, pressing like a brook in spring thaw against the winter’s dam of leaves and muck.

They flow with lives and deaths, sweet affections and bitter sorrows, all belonging to a parade of men walking down through the agee: soldiers and priests, scholars and farmers, fishermen, knights, lords and villeins— and every one of them: me. They raise in me knowledges I never learned along this stony coast, of peoples and times, and the skills in me of a fighter much beyond any brawling talents I’d ever learned from the bag of loose guts my mother’d wed. I find languages at home in my mouth that not a living soul speaks today; I know lands and roads and maps of places not even known by folk in this world. I know possessions, dearer than life, I have never set these eyes upon.

A certain sword there was that filled my hand in life after life; and a precious book recalled: sometimes fresh and compact, but in other visions it is thick, and warped and worn. From the first vision, there rose in my hands a yearning to hold these things, like an old man yearns for the dearest companions of his youth, and almost I knew where these things lay, hidden and waiting… I knew I would not be whole until they were in my hands again.

Many things were revealed in these unaccountable visions, but two things I wondered much about, they never showed: What I was, to have this terrible gift; and how I’d come to lose the green stone.

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HERETICS: first words

First Words– Columbina

You’ll end a heretic, girl, burning merrily at the stake and begging in vain for what you will not freely have from our hands now! Excommunicant! The fires of Hell will claim you!”

Words of the past, distant and unaffecting, echo faint in the shadows where I stand; a plump, pale nun, flapping her black wings, herds a procession of children across the red-brick piazza and into the yawning shadow of the church. I shudder some, in sympathy.

Not for these children—they are no concern of mine—but for the child I once was, when they still thought to shape me into one of these sheep-like offspring of the Church, herded by the looming magpie nuns, from one cloistered vault to the next, lest I ever see too much of the wider world…

The last of them vanishes, swallowed whole; the great door closes behind them and I turn away.

I do not take children, unless He desires it particularly. When He does fancy a taste of the very young, He is particular. He uses the French, caressingly: “L’ enfant sauvage…” He requires me to bring to him, then, “… an unbroken child, savage as it was born, unchastened by civilization. I do not care for gentled blood.”

I think it was how He chose me.

I stroll the broad pavement, as if idly taking the air.

But I am not idle nor strolling for my health.

I am hunting.

My quarry is no challenge to find, they mill everywhere in their vast, dull herd. They stroll like me, seeming casual and careless, or they bustle off in a hurry to get to places that will wait patiently enough till they come. Cattle, they are, as blind to life’s beckoning, as they are to death stalking.

They have their wiles and brute strengths, but I am stronger and more cunning by far, and unencumbered by the sensibilities they assume in me. It is no wonder they make such a mistake, for I look as human as they. But I am not, quite. I am… something else. Something greater.

And they are easy prey.

Fiorenza is barred in light and dark: The afternoon casts a golden glow through its colonnaded streets and winding ways. I amble in and out among the shadows, wearing an open innocence on the pale and delicate features of a girl of 15 or 16 years, rather tall and awkward, but otherwise pretty enough. Red curls escape in tendrils from the little cap that tries to confine my hair. I smile inside to see the glances of strangers, who think to read me, to know my story and circumstances.

They see a girl who has lost or escaped her nurse, who gazes about with guileless eyes, charmed the seductive hazards of the town. Some pity, some condemn, some consider how they might make some profit… Inside, I laugh at them all… There is no pity in me. Were they to see the smile I smile to myself within, they would blanche and scurry off.

I have selected my quarry from the crowd.

He is dressed in the Venetian style: a foreigner. His garb is frayed and scuffed, dusty from the road; he carries a loose, near-empty bag over his shoulder. His eyes are lonely. I place myself, as if by merest chance, in his path, and let forlorn tears well up in my big blue eyes…

Gallant lad that he is, he takes pity on me and will see me home, will see this lost innocent safely to her door… He says, to cheer me, “I’m just arrived in Fiorenza and know my way about but a little, so if we cannot find your people or your house, at least we shall be lost together!”

Fool! I know who I am, what I am, and where I’ll take my rest.

He is more lost than he knows.

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This is the first part of the first part of my novel HERETICS, a work-in-progress. A second part is coming… introducing the two main voices who tell this story. I have recently launched a Patreon site where the whole story will be on offer in a variety of ways.

https://www.patreon.com/clredding

MOTHER AND CHILD

I cannot quite
put a finger on it,
nor pin down
the feelings in my heart
now I am home
from visiting with you…

A deal of history
lies there between us
as it has lain.
gathered over years
of awkwardness,
uncertainty,
resentment,
guilt,
embarrassment
over many moments
miscalculated,
misinformed,
misunderstood
between us…

Now I am older,
you are old
and grasp your cup
with two frail and twisted hands
that once were capable
of wringing out
a washcloth nearly dry
or leaving marks
on angry cheeks
that faded over days…
Now
I do not hold the grudge
that came of
fearing you
and your disdain
your disapproval
of everything, it seemed,
I was
or wanted.

Now,
visiting you
in your small rooms
holding you against me
in embrace
that saves you
from another fall,
I hold nothing else
against you
and I hope you know
I love you
and that’s all.

2007, for my mother

Words of the Times

We walk in the world
with steps faltering and learning
off balance more than not
while muscles learn and grow…

Time favors stepping out
and hopping, running, skipping.
dancing to musics heard
both within, without…

Days and years pass
with steps certain, confident
ambling through a life
but not in charge…

Until the sudden day
when all around the world shifts
gravity goes sideways
streams flow up,

Intents, designs
our plans all fall awry
certainties dissolve
fears rise, tears fall

Steps falter, once again
illusion of control 
goes out of reach,
we again are children

We again are children
in something greater’s world,
our only recourse
once again is faith.

Something Old, Something New…

Years ago I started writing a bio for a Live Action Role Play–a vampires game–and it got kinda out of hand.

It grew to a point, then someone joined me to develop and write it further, and it grew by leaps and bounds… But that erstwhile partner left the project, just before I took it to a huge writer’s conference where I got some professional feedback for it–and some legal advice about any obligations to the previous partner.

I went through more revision phases with it, but after a time, being alone in the room with it, I set it aside, let it migrate into the shadows at the back of the closet.

Some weeks ago I pulled it out of the dark, and submitted a few pages to an event at another conference where it got some more, some fresh feedback, and suddenly, I got interested in it again. From there to this:

https://www.patreon.com/clredding

It isn’t just about serializing a novel, it is also now a project in the evolution of a novel on its road to mainstream publication, set up for others to participate, if they like. It will be like tackling the mountain together.

So, please give the link a click and check it out… Consider it not a request, but an invitation to an adventure!

People Are Planets…

…that do sometimes collide.
We explore those planets
when we go inside
another person’s thought and feeling,
discover what
the silver atmosphere’s concealing:
Different laws of nature may apply
to different creatures under different sky.

A world may be hostile
to our hearts, our breath…
May lead us far astray
into confusions and delusions,
even into death.

Yet some planets do
attract us by the soul,
and so connect us,
thus between us, we are whole:
Sashaying
through the cosmos twirling,
side by side,
sharing sun and stars above,
meeting together
cosmic storm and tide…




CL Redding, 2001

The Madness of Kings

Every empire in the world has had its mad, its vicious, its authoritarian tyrants. 

Every age has had its times of social disaster, every culture its times of unbearable sufferings, of loss, of futility, of destruction by conquest from without or incompetence from within. Every Empire has had its own karmic debt, owing to bad policies, indulgences, and unsustainable practices. Insistance on clinging to solutions that have become problems… Allowing a dominant belief system such as a religion to dictate law… Exercising power for the top of the social pyramid without regard for the lower levels that support the apex…

Is this the story we are living in the US? Not just the US, either–there has been a rise of authoritarianism across the world in the past several years. When they have packed the courts and corrupted the justice system, when they have sown distrust in journalists and rewritten historic truth to suit their purposes, have exhausted resistance, they have won. At least until they die.

Most of the long-established Constitutional checks and balances written into the US Constitution have been diminished under this and other administrations since Nixon. In the current administration, the distinction between truth and falsehood has been gaslighted out of the trusting and hopeful; both religion and outlaw fringe organizations have been co-opted to support the new “truths” and intimidate reason and morality–though in both cases, there is some question who is using whom.  Education, science, and honest journalism have been disparaged and villainized. 

The next step is terror applied not just to one powerless minority but to everyone not in the ruling clique. It starts with putting immigrant children in concentration camps, moves through other minorities and groups that disagree and resist, and finally comes to everyone else.

Authoritarian empires never last. They are built on one person’s mad fantasy of shaping all the world, and when that person dies, whatever charisma and imperatives drove the fantasy goes, too. No one who follows is quite demented enough or extreme enough… and is, anyway, a follower, not a leader.

Besides, in the end, there are more of us than of them. The Dear Demented has one lifetime, while the People go on and on, many lives, many lifetimes. The Resistance ultimately wins: no matter how beaten down, its roots are as deep as life itself, and whether by underground tactics or full scale revolution, it ultimately wins.

The pendulum swings, partly because that’s nature, and partly because we refuse to learn from history.


Love’s Not Always Pink

Love’s not always pink–
It’s what you feel and live
not what you think.

Sometimes it’s what you give
or are allowed to take
or nothing you can have
for someone else’s sake.

Love’s not always song–
its voice not always heard
or clear and strong.

Sometimes it’s just absurd
and makes no kind of sense
Or it speaks without a word,
has neither rhyme nor tense.

Love’s not always glee–
It has its moods and swings
and fails to see.

Sometimes imaginings
turn into fear and doubt
or expectation clings
to aims that can’t play out.

Love’s not always true–
a permanent romance
to nourish you.

Sometimes it is mischance
or timing’s never right
or only fine in sunshine
or only in the night.

Love’s not always whole
but without its tricks
neither is the soul.

2009