Do You Know…?

Do you know the signs of grief–
denial
anger and despair
apathy
acceptance–
how they follow
one upon the other
at a gallop
first and then
a lope…

How over time
a weariness sets in
the pain, less fierce
need not be
galloped through
headlong…
and days it takes
at last, again
to feel each stage
in all its richness
all its depth…

Weeks revolve
exploring
sorting
weeping
taking hold again
of faith, of life
but if one’s wise
denying hope…

And do you know
the cycle
never ends?


May 2011 CL Redding
revision 2024

Another Morning After

Each morning waking
you are less and less
in my first thought
and shame is passing
into just embarrassment
and simple pain.

Yet still my eye–
with each flicker of a glance
of what I saw you in
that passes in the road
or on the screen
or in a passing thought–
still shies away,
seeks haven in any other thing.

But there are so few
that have not you
within them for me:
You were that important.
No.
It was that important
that you were there.

I write it now, revealing
in this space where you
will never come
will never see or know:
I would not share this now with you
no matter how for me I wish you knew
because I still believe
that where you are,
you wander still
lost in a greater pain than mine.

April 2011 CL Redding

Who?

I look for you
your sweet face gleaming
on the very edge of dreaming,
I seek you, yearning
to believe,
to know
that you are real…
that we are in a world
together loving,
touching, laughing,
waltzing 
on a harlequin ballroom floor,
chequered black and white,
smooth and perfect
in a forest glen,
beneath crystal skies
and lit by
dancing fireflies…

2005 CL Redding

Too Late Too Soon

I believed you’d live forever,
though I know it can’t be so–
I’ve always known I’d lose you,
though I felt you’d never go…
There’d be time some perfect day to speak
the long-unspoken word,
To tell you all I needed to,
to be sure that you had heard…
That there’d be time to listen,
to show how much I care
To be sure you know I love you,
before you aren’t there.

But I have been so busy,
and believed you’d always be
within my voice’s reach,
and where my eyes could turn and see
that you are waiting, smiling, until my moment’s best
for attending to your moment,
all those words and all the rest…
But time grows short–the leaf, it fades,
falls drifting through the air
And it will touch the ground and still,
before I can be there.

Sorrow, for the incomplete,
the tales and songs unfinished…
Guilt, for all the chances passed
so both our lives diminished…
Loss, for opportunities that knocked
time and time again…
Anger, that you left too soon,
and never warned me when…
Shame, because it is my fault,
for the things I never gave
because it was so much easier
to believe you’d never leave.

2004 revised 2024 CL Redding

Bitter Grapes

Wine was once upon a time divine
but now, somehow,
the elegance is soured
as it’s taken and devoured
what I knew of you
and thought was fine.

You sleep it off, unconscious
that the sabotage is done,
today, tonight are gone,
tomorrow spoken for
with stumbling tongue
and eyes that will not wake
to see the morning sun
and all its brightness shines upon.

And do you miss me, in your sleep?
Or miss the time together
when we keep each other warm and close?
the time we shelter here together
in the center of the storm?
It’s not the love that’s lacking, only care
It’s me out here and you asleep in there
It’s walls and hedges,
thorns and stones and chasms
holding us apart.

Your choice is always yours
and this among your choices
is the one you always choose.
I wonder what it is you think you gain
that’s worth every thing you lose.

It doesn’t matter that you cannot lose my love–
You can, in fact, lose me:
My best, and worst;
the games we play;
Companionship and passion;
Laughter; Challenge, too…
I cannot say for sure I’m such a prize,
but I know the look of sunlight in your eyes…

To cherish what you have to lose,
whether to reality or to booze,
could be considered foolish
so perhaps you’re wise
compared to me remembering
the sunlight in your eyes.

1995 CL Redding

 LABYRINTH


In the half-lit
twistings, turnings,
Stink of bullshit…,
Heaven’s burnings
in the gut, the very soul…

What is this, that
you are seeking,
Hero,
here among the reeking
passages
that twist around,
and lead you into
cul-de-sacs,
hemmed in by walls
marked with the axe,
double-headed and
two-faced…?

Once upon a time you raced
in sunlight gleaming off the sea,
you sweated in your lissome grace,
by the age-twisted cypress tree,
stood tall and young, full of your years
and watched the galleys tribute-full
of youths, of maids, of parting tears
and carrying a nation’s fears
with black sheets sail
to serve the Bull…

Turn and twist,
and shy
and hold…
hide in shadow…
step out bold– 
sword sings out 
and strikes–
the air…
You hunt a thing
you know is there
deep-descending
to its lair…
Moving canny,
grip the thread
that guides you out
if you’re not dead…
A distant hostile rumbling
and cries of woe,
and grumbling
of monster
finding frightened meat…

The Beast would rather
waving wheat, and basking
in the radiant heat of white ground
tossing back the sun…
But that is not how this is done.
This labyrinth
pleases no one here,
it twists with pain,
it reeks of fear,
and no one, 
so it would appear, 
does what he will
But–
there’s this Destiny to fulfill…

No need to say, it won’t end well.


2004 CL Redding

On The Half-Shell

Out of the sea on rising foam
Venus emerges,
makes herself at home,

and the Gods all pause a moment to look
and admire and plan…
and their canny brains cook…

The Goddesses, too–they look and they see
a sister to them
and a rival-to-be…

For the proper attentions, there must always be
offered to Wisdom,
and Fidelity.

And Discord smiles to see this birth
Her job’s secure
forever on Earth!


2004 CL Redding

MEDUSA

O maid, you once were lovely,
full of grace, and named
for Wisdom in eternal female form–
Metis, Maat, Medha the names you bore…

But the passing generations,
reshaping and restructuring the norm,
made you over as a thing to fear,
no longer Maid, but monstrous
with a deadly, stony gaze;

Men made you cruel and cold
and perilous to life in latter days,
forgetting that the peril in your eyes
is Truth too true for them to see, and live.

Grim-faced now, the Gorgon who is wise,
whose serpents in her hands once offered Life
now–writhe in ringlets on her brow
And Perseus pursues her with a knife…

2004 CL Redding

Ashes in the Oracle’s Mouth


Helen, oh Helen!
You silly git!
You pretty face,
You great lack-wit!

Paris, perspective
was never your strength
Just please yourself
at any length!

Menelaus,
big as a bull
your heart pumps blood
and that is all.

Agamemnon,
greed for power
cuts at your life line
hour by hour.

Achilles,
as honest as killers come–
kill and be killed
is your personal sum.

Hector, oh Hector,
where else could you end
but dragged beyond death
your mouth full of sand.

Homer, great Homer,
Troy’s yours for the giving–
I know, I know, Poet–
writing–Well, it’s a living…


2004 by CL Redding